


guns for hands

by canonjohnlock



Series: vessel [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, Freeform, One Shot, Songfic, mentions of depression, mentions of self harm, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5568673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canonjohnlock/pseuds/canonjohnlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm trying to sleep<br/>But I can't, but I can't when you all have<br/>Guns for hands</p>
            </blockquote>





	guns for hands

Deep breaths. Just take some deep breaths. Dan squeezes his eyes closed and inhales deeply. The bathroom smells of chlorine and cotton shampoo. He exhales. The toilet is not the most comfortable place to sit and his legs are falling asleep. Dan stands up as best he can in the small space and clenches his fists. There’s a sharp pain in his hand and he flinches. He opens his palm and the small blade tumbles to the ground. Dan picks it up and cradles his bleeding hand in his uninjured one.

He can’t find the first aid kit in the bathroom. His palm is stinging and he’s worried about infection. He could almost shout in anger but Phil is asleep and he _promised_ he wouldn’t do this anymore. But Phil has spidey senses and he comes knocking on the bathroom door and Dan has no choice but to open it.

“I can’t find the first aid kit,” Dan says in lieu of a hello.

Phil has clearly just woken. His hair is mussed and there’s a red splotch across his cheek from lying on his hand. His pajama bottoms hang loosely off his hips and his white t-shirt is wrinkled. He yawns and walks in, grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink.

“I checked there,” Dan says.

Phil pats the counter and Dan hops up onto it, heels hitting the cabinets beneath him. “Where’s the blade?”

He pours some peroxide onto a cotton ball and dabs the cut. Dan tenses. “In the trash.”

“Good.” He continues to clean Dan’s cut. “I don’t think you’ll need stitches, but you’ll have a scar.” Phil pulls out the gauze.

“Sorry I woke you.”

Phil tapes the wrap down. “I wish you had woken me earlier.”

“Sorry.”

Phil leans on the counter next to Dan and yawns. “Wanna talk?”

Dan shrugs. “Not really, no. ‘M just kinda tired now.”

“Do you wanna sleep?” Phil glances at him. 

Dan shakes his head.

“Netflix?”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“You’re more important than sleep, Dan.”

“I’ll make some hot chocolate; you can pick the movie.”

They head downstairs and Dan veers into the kitchen. He fills the kettle and waits for the water to heat. When he was little, he accidentally knocked a kettle full of boiling water off the stove. It spilled all over his feet and hurt like nothing else. He wonders if Phil would believe he accidentally knocked it off. The kettle hisses and Dan turns off the heat.

He doesn’t know when his need to self-destruct first arose. He thinks maybe it was during his university years. It doesn’t really matter because no matter when he started to self-destruct, he probably would have ended up waking up Phil and making hot chocolate at three in the morning.

Phil is probably the best thing to happen in his life. He’s kind and sweet and funny. And he knows how to help. Most other people, they would force him to talk about it, to open up. Phil doesn’t. He just distracts him, which is all Dan ever really needs. Dan carries the mugs into the lounge and sets them down on the table. Phil is flipping through some kids’ movies and settles on _Mulan_.

“Really?” Dan curls into his sofa creases and grabs his mug.

“It’s funny and cute,” Phil says.

_I’ll Make a Man Out of You_ has just started playing when Dan says, “Would you miss me?”

Phil pauses the movie. “Of course I would.”

“But you would move on.”

Phil looks down and shakes his head. “I don’t think I would. You’re my best friend, Dan. No one could replace you.”

Dan chews his lower lip and Phil unpauses the movie.

“Why did you wake up?”

“Huh?”

“Why’d you wake up?” Dan picks at a thread on his shirt.

“You think you’re a burden.”

It’s Dan’s turn to be confused. “What?”

“You think… That… You’re more of a burden than anything else. Which you’re not. I knew what I was getting into when we became friends.” Phil pauses. “And… I signed up for all it. For… all of your flaws. I never went to sleep. I heard you pacing and the stairs creak when you walked to the bathroom. I knew something was wrong.”

“Why’d you stay up, though?”

“Because I can’t sleep when you have guns for hands. I can’t sleep when I _know_ you’re not… safe.” Phil shrugs.

Dan focuses on the movie. “Thanks.”

Phil nods and sips his hot chocolate. And Dan may have scars but thanks to Phil he will have less.


End file.
